Kicking the scales

 Last Saturday when I weighed myself I was the lightest I’d been since quitting the alcohol. Three days later, after having exercised every day, eaten well and drunk plenty of water I was two kilos heavier. I was utterly despondent.

Complaining to a gym bunny colleague of mine, she told me not to be so hard on myself. Asked me how I was feeling and if my clothes were fitting better. 

Well they are. I have reduced in size, toned up, my clothes fit well and I’m actually enjoying picking out and wearing an outfit. I’m bringing clothes out of my closet I haven’t worn in ages and I’ve treated myself to a couple of fancy new skirts and a dress. She told me to kick the scales. She knows someone who lost two dress sizes and not one kilo because she built muscle, toned up and lost inches. 

I now look at my wardrobe longingly. I have a extensive collection of clothes, shoes and handbags and now there aren’t enough days in the week to mix and match my outfits. I have been taking more pride in my appearance and I’ve had some compliments about well I’m looking.

In a private conversation with a colleague who’s also a good friend I told her that not drinking is addictive. I’ve not felt this good in as a long as I can remember. My body, my skin, my hair, my posture is all thanking me for it. 

How can I go back? I don’t need to. I don’t want to. I feel like I’ve cracked a massive secret. That by removing things that don’t benefit you physically or mentally you’ll feel amazing seems such an obvious concept. 

So from mow on I’m going by how I feel and how my clothes fit and kicking the scales to the kerb. 

Velvet skin

One of the most surprising things about not drinking is my skin. While I’ve been away camping my skin has completely transformed itself. Every morning I would brush the sleep from my eyes and one morning I noticed that it felt like velvet. I’m a 44 year old woman so this was intriguing. At first I wondered if it was because when I’m away camping I don’t wear any make up. But it’s not that. My whole body feels soft and smooth. 

I’ve done some googling and I can only put it down to not drinking any alcohol. My skin has hydrated and is positively glowing. Every time I shower I can’t help wondering at this. My skin, in my memory, has never felt or looked this good. 

I read one article that asked how much would you pay for something that made you look younger, reduced puffiness, make your skin bright and clear and cleared dark circles. Such a thing would be priceless surely? But it’s so simple, just don’t drink any alcohol. 

Having never gone without drinking for so long before I am amazed by how good my skin is. The feel of it rivals my pre teenage son who has gloriously soft skin. I’m just utterly enamoured with having velvet skin. I think this has to be my absolute favourite outcome so far.

In my googling I came across this article on Bored Panda and it really is incredible to see the change in people’s faces and bodies when they quit drinking. It’s worth a read. https://www.boredpanda.com/before-after-quit-drinking/

Raw feelings

All the content I’ve read about giving up drinking, better skin, clearer eyes, deeper sleep has all been happening and it’s wonderful. But it’s the raw feelings I’ve been experiencing that has been hard to cope with this week.

The week started off badly when my teenage daughter wagged school on Monday afternoon. I grounded her for the week on a week when we’d agreed she could be signed out for two days to go to the beach with her friends as school is winding down. She’s been miserable.

I’ve also had an extremely stressful week at work this week for three reasons; I have had to step in to deal with an employee who has borderline personality disorder, PTSD and an eating disorder. Three of my Senior Managers have been off sick and I’m in the final stages of negotiating a complex multi million contract which needs to be signed before I go on leave for Christmas.

I’ve been working long hours, late nights, early mornings and I’ve exercised every day. I’m tired, physically and mentally. 

I have a marketing background and when we run marketing campaigns we always have a control group. I am like this group, separated from anything that may affect the way I truly feel.

In normal circumstances two nights this week I would have come home and drunk a bottle of wine to deal with the stress of work. One night I went for a run instead and the other I went to Bikram. Both nights I came home feeling good and very relaxed and not feeling like a drink at all. 

It’s like exploring a whole new world. 

This week my body has kept it’s own score and it’s been raw. But as I’m not affected by the effects of alcohol tiredness I know my emotional state has been entirely real. Genuinely tired, not hungover tired. The experience of tired between these states is quite different. 

It’s been a tough week but I’m really proud of myself for handling it without caving in and having a glass of wine (or ten). 

Namaste

Every Monday night I spend 90 minutes in skimpy clothing contorting my body into 26 yoga poses while sweating profusely in front of a floor to ceiling mirror in a room heated to 40 degrees C. 

Each week I show up on the mat reluctantly because I know the class is going to be hell and each week I leave the practice feeling amazing. I sleep deeply and the next morning I feel on top of the world. 

Bikram Yoga is addictive. But it’s also incredibly confronting. The practice exposes every weakness, every vulnerability, every insecurity you have both mentally and physically. 

One pose, Camel Pose or Utrasana is supposed to open the heart. If you’re feeling at all emotional Camel Pose can literally make you cry. 

To get the best out of a Bikram class you should be well hydrated, well rested and have had nothing to eat in the two hours before class. During those 90 minutes you will get to know your body and mind deeply and intensely. 

Bikram and alcohol do not mix. Alcohol is a diuretic. It causes your body to remove fluids from your blood. I have endeavoured to do many a class on a day after drinking. 

After nearly six weeks alcohol free the difference in my practice is unbelievable. My balance has never been so good. I can much more easily bat away thoughts that would normally distract me until at least a third of the way through the class when my mind finally quietens, my body feels like it’s been lubricated with oil and my poses are deeper. 

If you’ve never practiced Bikram Yoga and have no idea what I’m talking about check out this video of the world champion Kasper Van Den Wijngaard - it’s quite something what the body can do when it’s at its peak physique. 

Namaste

https://youtu.be/PLBOsOt3qtc

Because COVID

During our first lockdown the bottle shops were doing a roaring trade. Massive queues at the drive through bottle-o’s.

We drank a lot. Most nights. Our immediate family live in three different countries. I was stressed about my parents and parents in law who live overseas. I wondered if I should reach out to the brother I haven’t spoken to in three years. My daughter was not coping at school and was utterly miserable. Work was crazy busy, long days. 

When COVID eased up and went back to the office I discovered a colleague had used the COVID period to lose weight. 23 kilos in fact.

She looked amazing and unrecognizable. So while we were chugging back the booze and increasing our Naked Wines subscription she’d been using the non commute time to exercise.  No social occasions and work functions meant it was much easier for her to give up alcohol.

Why didn’t I think about doing that? 

We’ve just gone into a new lockdown here. This time I won’t be wasting it. 

Namaste

Secret Sober Yogi xx

Couch to 5k

I've never been a runner. All that puffing and panting, sweat and effort. Shin splints, knee injuries, chafing. What could possibly be the attraction?

Last year I started a new job and one of our sponsorships was a breast cancer fundraiser run so I thought it would be cool to be able to run it.

I had visions of surprising colleagues and friends, 'I never knew you could run!'. 'Yeah, just knocked out an easy 6kms' I would say.

I wasn't sure how to get started and I didn't want to ask my runner friends.  

At the time one friend was posting Facebook posts of her regular 10km runs.

A former colleague was posting Facebook posts of her regular 20km trail runs.

I had a long way to go. Baby runner. Just born. Red, wrinkly and crying. 

God love the NHS. They have a free Couch to 5k app with the lovely Laura. I got started by driving to a housing estate with little roads where I didn't know anyone who lived there.  

I remember those first few times I could manage to run from one end of the little cul-de-sacs to the other. 

It took me four months of running three times a week to run 5kms. I was so proud of my achievement.

Running is amazing. I feel fantastic afterwards. There’s a reason they call it the runner’s high.

The first 15 minutes is the hardest, then my body seems to accept I'm running and I get a second wind. If my legs are feeling strong, my breath allows the run to be relatively easy.

I’ve been running more since I stopped drinking. My breath is coming more easily and I’m picking up the pace.

Last week I watched the movie Brittany Runs a Marathon. She quit drinking and partying, started training and ran the New York Marathon.

If she can do it...

My Love List

I have a rule in our house that if it’s not in the diary it doesn’t exist. Alongside that rule is the sub-rule that whoever gets in the diary first wins that spot. It’s a great incentive to be organised. 

For our first weekend alcohol free my husband has sent me a meeting request for a four hour walk.

We will be walking, I suspect, from one end of the Adelaide Hills to another. 

I love walking. It’s one of my favourite things to do. 

If we’re not spending time sitting around drinking does this mean I’ll have more time on my hands? I’m always wishing there were more hours in a day. 

I decide that if I’m going to have more time I should make a list of the things I most enjoy which I’m calling my love list. This will show me what I’m going to be doing when I have all this time. 

I got this idea from this blog about being more with less. 

https://bemorewithless.com/how-to-make-a-love-list/

Walking in the country

Reading page turner books

Gardening (but not weeding)

Camping (especially by the beach)

Creative writing

Watching Netflix

Podcasts (usually while walking)

Running (on flat surfaces)

Bikram Yoga

Re-organising my wardrobe and creating new outfits (easier when your clothes fit you)

Networking (meeting new people)

Sleeping in

I’m not sure how this list it makes me look to someone who doesn’t know me. Does it make me look boring and suburban? 

I shouldn’t be too concerned about other people’s perceptions of me.

It’s all about being authentic these days!

As Keala Settle sang in the Greatest Showman, I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me (of course this image below isn’t actually me. Just to be clear). 

Wine Wednesday

Since we decided to go booze free I’ve become obsessed by finding out about other people’s drinking habits. How much do they drink? When? What do they drink?

A few years ago when my husband and I were going through a difficult period in our marriage I instigated Wine Wednesday’s. When the kids went to bed we’d sit at the kitchen table, get tipsy and in doing so we were able to talk freely and without inhibition about our issues. 

Since then Wednesday has been the only workday weekday that alcohol is consumed in our household. It’s not a strict rule, rather a framework that makes sure we have a number of alcohol free days each week.

A couple of months ago I was out for dinner with a small party of people including two women. The conversation turned to our various lifestyles and one of the women mentioned that she has a no alcohol policy on Sundays and Mondays and the other said she doesn’t drink on Mondays or Tuesdays.

My mother in law is trying to lose some weight so she’s only drinking on Saturday nights but I’ve noticed that on these nights she appears to make up for abstaining the rest of the week.

My father in law has a large Rye Whisky (or two) every night.

My neighbour doesn’t have a rule but then he has a rather active social life which may not be conducive to implementing an AFD framework. 

Dr Michael Apstein, who has the unusual distinction of being both a wine writer and a liver doctor, suggests that people should have at least two alcohol free days per week. His article about whether taking a month off alcohol is beneficial is here 

https://www.decanter.com/learn/is-dry-january-beneficial-287019/

I have been known to be competitive so it makes me feel smug that we’re overachieving with seven. Cheers!

Day Dot

My husband has to have open heart surgery in March next year.

It’s not a shock, we knew this operation was coming but looking it square in the face makes it very real and rather frightening for both of us. 

On the plus side:

It’s not unexpected - we can plan and prepare

Our insurance policy will pay us a chunk of money

And best of all the cardiologist tells my husband he needs to lose weight before surgery.

I think about Dylan Thomas, the Welsh poet, whose poem about death and dying began with the line “Do not go gentle in that good night”.  My husband is not going into the biggest operation of his life with any risks around his health so we take this advice seriously. 

I'm pretty active but in the 14 years since I had my daughter I've put on 14 kilos. It seems like a good time to join my husband in losing weight. I would love to feel healthier and lose weight.

I have so many wonderful clothes that don’t fit me and I don’t love what I see when I look in the mirror.

We’ve talked about losing weight for years but our lifestyle hasn’t enabled it to happen. We’re big drinkers, love eating and are generally very social people. 

We discuss our strategy. It needs to be simple, easy to follow and above all, something we can stick to.

I’m not prepared to bamboozled by diet fads, pay for food to be delivered or go on any form of crash liquid diet. 

Calories in - calories out should be a simple formula. We’re both fairly analytical people and it makes sense to just cut out the things that are high in calories and low in nutrition. 

Oh dear, those two things happen to be cheese and wine. And one goes with the other. Sigh.

We decide not to set weight loss goal, we decide to do this by timeframe.  The first priority is health, weight loss will surely follow. That way we also don’t need to be weighing ourselves each day and stressing out about the number of kilos on the screen.

There are 635 calories in a bottle of wine. A female’s daily intake for the whole day should be 2000 and 1500 if you’re trying to lose weight. This means drinking a bottle of wine is nearly half of these calories. And what’s worse is that those calories are empty calories. They have zero nutritional value. ZERO.

This makes me feel better. I’ll be cutting out something that does absolutely nothing for my body. 

In addition, alcohol lowers our inhibitions and stimulates the appetite, a lethal combination which lowers willpower and leads to packing on the calories from snacks like crisps (also a weakness). 100 grams of crisps = 536 calories.

Alcohol can also lower blood sugar which causes cravings for sugar and carbs. 

We’re convinced. 

It’s Day Dot of six months alcohol free. We’ve never gone more than a month without alcohol. Can we do it? 

Let the journey begin...