The First Firsts

COVID has been the perfect cloak to avoid many social occasions while we’ve been learning how to live without drinking. A couple of work dinners were cancelled when the ‘pause’ was announced. Boards and committees I’m involved with have not organised anything at all, just in case they had to be cancelled. I admit I had a sense of relief about this. It was just easier not to attend these sorts of functions. 

But this week I have faced up to dealing with a bunch of firsts. First time we put up the Christmas tree without a glass of champagne. First team Christmas Secret Santa drinks and nibbles where I didn’t order a glass of wine and first team Christmas lunch where I had a mocktail instead. 

Apart from the utter surprise of a colleague who has worked with me for a decade and asked ‘how’s that going?’ It was absolutely fine. 

No one really noticed and certainly no one cared. I didn’t get a grilling and I didn’t feel uncomfortable. 

I have two lunches next week. Our Executive and Board Christmas Lunches and I am feeling slightly apprehensive. I will be the only one not drinking and it will be noticed. I haven’t decided how I’m going to handle it yet but I think I’m just going to be honest and tell people my husband is having a big operation next year and we’re not drinking for six months so he can go into the operation as healthy as possible. I work in government where respect is a key value, no one’s going to question me. So that’s my plan. I’ll let you know how I go...

Well Lubricated

Because I practice such an intense form of Yoga it’s very easy to identify issues with my body or mind. Bikram uses every bone, muscle, joint, ligament, tissue, and organ in the body during the 90 min session so you can always tell if something’s not right.  

Each session runs through the exact same poses so you can always tell what state your body and mind are in. How flexible or stiff you are. How deep you can go into a pose. How your mind quietens or doesn’t. How long it takes to find stillness and peace. 

One of the unexpected benefits of not drinking has been the feeling of being oiled when practicing. I’ve been able to bend noticeably deeper into some of the trickier postures.

Combined with a calmer mind that’s gives me more control over my thoughts after five years of attending these classes I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere.

Instead of being well lubricated by alcohol I’m being well lubricated by my own body. 

I have no idea what’s going on here so I search around on the web. Apart from the diuretic effects that are well known, alcohol decreases the body’s production of an anti diuretic hormone which helps the body reabsorb water. I do drink a lot of water so I think my body is rehydrating itself as it’s not fighting with anything in doing so. 

The result is I feel like my joints have had been sprayed with a can of WD40. It’s a satisfying feeling. 

The heart matters

So, as you know, my husband has to have open heart surgery next year. He had another consultation with the specialist today and brought home a pile of leaflets. I felt nauseous reading them.

Ever the optimist I consider the silver linings.

1) We have great life insurance. 

2) Our trauma insurance will pay out.

Are you wondering if I’m too focused on the financial benefit of my husband’s major surgery? 

Indeed I was, until surgery became the catalyst for giving up the booze. Now I’m focussed on our health and the positive lifestyle changes which are coming with it. 

We have never embarked on a long dry period together before. We seem to be closer because of it.

It’s made me ponder that the heart, both literally and figuratively, matters. 

Namaste

Secret Sober Yogi xx

Virtual Drinks

I'm a non beer drinker but my husband likes craft beers. On the second weekend of no drinking I stopped in at the bottle shop to see what non alcoholic options there were. No non alcoholic craft beers unfortunately (there's a gap in the market for some enterprising individual). I brought home a six pack of Heineken 0.0. My husband told me Heineken is not beer. 

Semantics I said.

I tried one and to me it tasted exactly like beer. Or lager. Whatever. I don't know the difference.

It worked a treat at a party we went to around Day 14. No one even clocked we weren't drinking. 

We're in a 6 day lockdown (or 'pause' as we're calling it) so my pre-booked team drinks scheduled for this afternoon are now virtual. 

I'd been wondering how I was going to deal with it. These people know me well.

They would have wondered why I'm not drinking. I'm not ready to share this yet. Because I don't know if this is temporary, whether I want it to be permanent or whether I can manage it.

The great thing about virtual drinks is that I can pop a Heineken 0.0 in a stubby holder and voila, no one has any idea I'm not drinking alcohol.

Genius.

Namaste

Secret Sober Yogi xx

Because COVID

During our first lockdown the bottle shops were doing a roaring trade. Massive queues at the drive through bottle-o’s.

We drank a lot. Most nights. Our immediate family live in three different countries. I was stressed about my parents and parents in law who live overseas. I wondered if I should reach out to the brother I haven’t spoken to in three years. My daughter was not coping at school and was utterly miserable. Work was crazy busy, long days. 

When COVID eased up and went back to the office I discovered a colleague had used the COVID period to lose weight. 23 kilos in fact.

She looked amazing and unrecognizable. So while we were chugging back the booze and increasing our Naked Wines subscription she’d been using the non commute time to exercise.  No social occasions and work functions meant it was much easier for her to give up alcohol.

Why didn’t I think about doing that? 

We’ve just gone into a new lockdown here. This time I won’t be wasting it. 

Namaste

Secret Sober Yogi xx

Secretly Sober

When my husband decided not to drink in preparation for his operation I felt a sense of relief. If I’m being 100% honest with myself I’ve wanted to do this for a while. 

I’d been given this wonderful reason to stop drinking. 

Doing it together has been great because we can talk about what we‘ve been experiencing. 

Poo has featured more in our conversations than I care for.

Sleep has been amazing.

My skin looks fantastic.

Zero indigestion.

Waves of contentment.

Moments of euphoria.

One month in and we are feeling good. We’ve told our parents we aren’t drinking because we need him to go into this operation as healthy as possible and I’ve told my best friend but I haven’t told anyone else.

We are secretly sober. 

It appears we have been experiencing the pink cloud. While this is a term used by Alcoholics Anonymous it is fitting to use because the moments of euphoria have come unexpectedly and in waves.

It’s like being high on life. 

I know this sounds utterly ridiculous, my senses are alive and it feels wonderful.

Namaste

Secret Sober Yogi xx

Networking

One of my biggest challenges in giving up alcohol has been how to deal with work or networking functions.

I go to ALOT of networking functions. I am a networking queen.

People will notice I’m not drinking. They might think I’m pregnant. No. Unlikely. I’m nearer menopause. They might think I’m menopausal. Or a recovering alcoholic. This isn’t good.

I have a networking lunch coming up next week. The wine will be good - that’s annoying. It’s a flat fee which will include the wine, that’s even more annoying. What’s with that?

What are my alternative drinking options? Should I call the restaurant beforehand and check what they have? I don’t want to be drinking sparkling water. I also don’t want to be drinking some sweet syrupy thing if we’re having a good piece of meat. That needs a wine match. Clearly. By a good sommelier. Will they even have a sommelier? Ok, STOP.

I’m overthinking this. 

How difficult can it be to go to one lunch and not drink any alcohol?

I drank sparkling water. It didn’t pair well with the medium rare kangaroo fillet.

I made some topical observations. I was witty and clever (completely subjective opinion of course). 

I didn’t make any commentary when the only other female at the lunch knocked over her glass of red wine all over the table and down her dress. 

I just gave a silent thanks it wasn’t me. 

Couch to 5k

I've never been a runner. All that puffing and panting, sweat and effort. Shin splints, knee injuries, chafing. What could possibly be the attraction?

Last year I started a new job and one of our sponsorships was a breast cancer fundraiser run so I thought it would be cool to be able to run it.

I had visions of surprising colleagues and friends, 'I never knew you could run!'. 'Yeah, just knocked out an easy 6kms' I would say.

I wasn't sure how to get started and I didn't want to ask my runner friends.  

At the time one friend was posting Facebook posts of her regular 10km runs.

A former colleague was posting Facebook posts of her regular 20km trail runs.

I had a long way to go. Baby runner. Just born. Red, wrinkly and crying. 

God love the NHS. They have a free Couch to 5k app with the lovely Laura. I got started by driving to a housing estate with little roads where I didn't know anyone who lived there.  

I remember those first few times I could manage to run from one end of the little cul-de-sacs to the other. 

It took me four months of running three times a week to run 5kms. I was so proud of my achievement.

Running is amazing. I feel fantastic afterwards. There’s a reason they call it the runner’s high.

The first 15 minutes is the hardest, then my body seems to accept I'm running and I get a second wind. If my legs are feeling strong, my breath allows the run to be relatively easy.

I’ve been running more since I stopped drinking. My breath is coming more easily and I’m picking up the pace.

Last week I watched the movie Brittany Runs a Marathon. She quit drinking and partying, started training and ran the New York Marathon.

If she can do it...

Doing it for the dog

I have a really clever friend who founds start ups. His most recent tech start up is an machine learning eCommerce platform for small and medium businesses. With my marketing background I was really intrigued by this new venture and wanted to hear all about it. So a few weeks ago we arranged to meet him and his wife at a local pub for a catch up. 

We really enjoy their company. They’re big drinkers and we have such a laugh. I have absolutely no idea how many bottles we got through that afternoon but I know it was a lot because a) the bill was massive and we hardly had any food and b) I felt terrible the next day. 

When I say terrible I mean AWFUL. More terrible that I’d felt in a long time. The following day I spent the day on the sofa watching Netflix. I couldn’t manage to do anything else. 

I couldn’t even manage to take the dog for a walk, which is one of my favourite things to do (see my love list - it’s top of the list) He looked sad all day. He has this gorgeous brown eyes that look at you with love or in this case utter disappointment and judgement.

The dog did not deserve this. 

Since we stopped drinking the dog has been in heaven. We walk for hours. He’s a Kelpie and we tire him out! If you’re not familiar with Kelpies, they need a lot of exercise. A day without a walk is not a good day for a Kelpie.

https://dogtime.com/dog-breeds/australian-kelpie

Even if we weren’t doing this for ourselves, it appears we’d be doing it for the dog. 

My Love List

I have a rule in our house that if it’s not in the diary it doesn’t exist. Alongside that rule is the sub-rule that whoever gets in the diary first wins that spot. It’s a great incentive to be organised. 

For our first weekend alcohol free my husband has sent me a meeting request for a four hour walk.

We will be walking, I suspect, from one end of the Adelaide Hills to another. 

I love walking. It’s one of my favourite things to do. 

If we’re not spending time sitting around drinking does this mean I’ll have more time on my hands? I’m always wishing there were more hours in a day. 

I decide that if I’m going to have more time I should make a list of the things I most enjoy which I’m calling my love list. This will show me what I’m going to be doing when I have all this time. 

I got this idea from this blog about being more with less. 

https://bemorewithless.com/how-to-make-a-love-list/

Walking in the country

Reading page turner books

Gardening (but not weeding)

Camping (especially by the beach)

Creative writing

Watching Netflix

Podcasts (usually while walking)

Running (on flat surfaces)

Bikram Yoga

Re-organising my wardrobe and creating new outfits (easier when your clothes fit you)

Networking (meeting new people)

Sleeping in

I’m not sure how this list it makes me look to someone who doesn’t know me. Does it make me look boring and suburban? 

I shouldn’t be too concerned about other people’s perceptions of me.

It’s all about being authentic these days!

As Keala Settle sang in the Greatest Showman, I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me (of course this image below isn’t actually me. Just to be clear). 

Day Dot

My husband has to have open heart surgery in March next year.

It’s not a shock, we knew this operation was coming but looking it square in the face makes it very real and rather frightening for both of us. 

On the plus side:

It’s not unexpected - we can plan and prepare

Our insurance policy will pay us a chunk of money

And best of all the cardiologist tells my husband he needs to lose weight before surgery.

I think about Dylan Thomas, the Welsh poet, whose poem about death and dying began with the line “Do not go gentle in that good night”.  My husband is not going into the biggest operation of his life with any risks around his health so we take this advice seriously. 

I'm pretty active but in the 14 years since I had my daughter I've put on 14 kilos. It seems like a good time to join my husband in losing weight. I would love to feel healthier and lose weight.

I have so many wonderful clothes that don’t fit me and I don’t love what I see when I look in the mirror.

We’ve talked about losing weight for years but our lifestyle hasn’t enabled it to happen. We’re big drinkers, love eating and are generally very social people. 

We discuss our strategy. It needs to be simple, easy to follow and above all, something we can stick to.

I’m not prepared to bamboozled by diet fads, pay for food to be delivered or go on any form of crash liquid diet. 

Calories in - calories out should be a simple formula. We’re both fairly analytical people and it makes sense to just cut out the things that are high in calories and low in nutrition. 

Oh dear, those two things happen to be cheese and wine. And one goes with the other. Sigh.

We decide not to set weight loss goal, we decide to do this by timeframe.  The first priority is health, weight loss will surely follow. That way we also don’t need to be weighing ourselves each day and stressing out about the number of kilos on the screen.

There are 635 calories in a bottle of wine. A female’s daily intake for the whole day should be 2000 and 1500 if you’re trying to lose weight. This means drinking a bottle of wine is nearly half of these calories. And what’s worse is that those calories are empty calories. They have zero nutritional value. ZERO.

This makes me feel better. I’ll be cutting out something that does absolutely nothing for my body. 

In addition, alcohol lowers our inhibitions and stimulates the appetite, a lethal combination which lowers willpower and leads to packing on the calories from snacks like crisps (also a weakness). 100 grams of crisps = 536 calories.

Alcohol can also lower blood sugar which causes cravings for sugar and carbs. 

We’re convinced. 

It’s Day Dot of six months alcohol free. We’ve never gone more than a month without alcohol. Can we do it? 

Let the journey begin...